Stop Fighting Resistance. Start Following It.
Most of us have been taught to see resistance as a red light. Something that says “Stop. This isn’t working.” But what if resistance isn’t a warning sign at all? What if it’s actually the very thing that shows us the way forward?
Resistance is an opportunity to get curious. If it’s a change you truly want, personal or professional, resistance isn’t necessarily a danger – it’s data. It’s your chance to ask “What is this trying to tell me? What is it asking me to notice? What needs my attention before I can move forward?”
We often think that change should be smooth, especially when we’ve chosen it. We expect the desired change to be easy (new habit, new role, parenthood, etc.) and when that inevitability becomes untrue, our confidence in ourselves, the reason for the change, our team’s capability to actually adopt the change waivers. We question everything: Is this the right path? Am I made for this? Is this the right time to change? But discomfort can be the exact moment that helps you uncover blind spots, strengthen resilience, and deepen understanding.
When I took a new role in a new company, in a new town where I didn’t know anyone, I expected it to be a constant, fun adventure. Instead, I struggled to find my circle, keep up the habits I’d built before, and be comfortable spending so much time on my own. It was uncomfortable and often lonely but in that space, I learned more about myself than I ever expected. I tried new things. Lived outside my comfort zone and ultimately found clarity that brought me back to my hometown where I built a life I truly love. I bought my first home, reconnected with friends and family, meet my husband and started our family.
Not all resistance is created equal. Before you can work with resistance, you need to know what kind you’re dealing with. Resistance comes in two forms:
There’s resistance grounded in legitimate concerns, incomplete information, or unmet needs. This is productive resistance and the resistance you want to lean into. It often comes from people who care deeply about the outcome and want to get it right, but see gaps or risks that others may have missed. It’s the type of resistance that slows us down just enough to prevent a bigger issue.
Then there’s destructive resistance. This resistance is rooted in fear, misinformation, or an unwillingness to engage in the process at all. It’s pushback for the sake of pushing back, often without offering constructive solutions. It’s the kind of resistance that drains energy, erodes trust, and blocks progress entirely.
We’ve all experienced situations where resistance can be decoded into progress:
In leadership it’s silence in meetings, pushback on new processes, hesitation to adopt tools, or vocal and visible discontent and frustration.
In parenting it’s the “eye roll” closed-door teenager phase.
When learning a new skill, it’s the lack of immediate success that can lead to frustration and overwhelm.
All of these situations require slowing down to understand the why before pushing harder on the what. Our role as a leader, or a parent, is to pause long enough to know the difference. If it’s productive, your job is to invite more conversation, mine the insights, and address the gaps. If it’s destructive, your job is to reset expectations, clarify facts, and set boundaries so momentum isn’t lost. No matter the situation, we have tools that we can leverage and it starts with taking an honest look at how we are showing up and leading. It’s having the radical responsibility to course correct, if necessary. Then, it’s about curiosity:
Listen First. Ask candid questions: What’s going well? What’s making you anxious? What do you want to know more about? What’s keeping you up at night? What do you wish I knew?
Look for patterns in the responses. What’s behind the pushback? Lack of clarity? Feelings of loss? Competing priorities? A desire for more autonomy and independence?
Now that you have the data, it’s mission critical to translate that into action. Hear me when I say - nothing will shut your change down faster than a lack of action. That action doesn’t have to be huge; it can be small shifts that state “I heard you and am working hard to make it right.” It could come in the form of more trainings or resources, adjusted workflows, addressing unspoken concerns directly, changing the approach, or the introduction of regular touch-points.
Resistance isn’t the enemy of progress. It’s the GPS that shows you where the real work is needed. The next time you feel pushback whether from your team, your family, or yourself, don’t try to power through it or walk away. Sit with it. Get curious. Ask the uncomfortable questions. Because often, the very thing holding you back is the key that will launch you forward.