The Change Curve isn’t Linear: Why Your Transition Feels Messy
When we talk about change, we often imagine a clean, straight path. We learn what’s shifting, adjust, and move on. But anyone who has lived through change (so every single one of us) – a reorganization, a new leader, the introduction of a new process, or any phase of parenting - knows that’s not how it works. The chance curve is real, but it’s far from linear.
When we talk about change we are really talking about two separate activities and it’s important to distinguish between them:
There’s the change itself. This is external and situational. It’s the fact, something you could prove in a court of law. A new leader. A new policy. A new set of expectations for your children. A global pandemic. A new process to follow.
Then there’s transition. This is the internal process and it’s personal. It’s how we interpret the change. The stories we tell ourselves about what the change means.
The distinction is critical, because while change happens in an instant, transition unfolds over time and in phases. William Bridge’s Transition Model articulates three phases:
Endings: This is where we focus on what we’re losing. Feelings of denial, fear, anger or sadness are common here. It’s the first step of acknowledging we’re moving into the unknown.
Ask yourself: What am I letting go of, and what does that free me to focus on?
Neutral Zone: The messy middle. Confusion, skepticism, and frustration shows up. This is where re-patterning occurs and the real “work” of transition happens.
Ask yourself: What one steady habit can I anchor to during uncertainty?
New Beginnings: The horizon phase. Energy, commitment, and excitement kick in as we start seeing results.
Ask yourself: What small win can I celebrate to fuel momentum?
Most people expect to move neatly through these stages, but the truth? We loop back. We stall. We surge forward and then slide back.
Think of the neutral zone as the middle of a race. You’ve gone far enough that the start line is out of sight, but the finish line hasn’t yet appeared. This is where grit and mental toughness matters most. It’s where you build resilience, sharpen focus, and grow as a leader.
As leaders, parents, and individuals navigating change our job isn’t to force people (or ourselves) out of this phase, but to:
Identify the phase: Notice where you, or others, are in the process, and acknowledge why.
Normalize the ebb and flow: People will cycle between phases. Expect it. Allow space for it.
Show up Consistently: Debunk the stories, share the facts, and provide a steady, supportive presence. This matters more than people realize. No one is expecting you to show up perfectly, but if you show up consistently, you’ll make more progress than you ever anticipated. Communicate what’s changing, what’s staying the same, and why.
It’s tempting to apply this patience and perspective to others but forget ourselves in the process. Leading ourselves through transition requires the same grace we extend to our teams and families.
We often expect adoption to look like something like: learn about the change, understand the implications, and act in the new way. Reality is messier. It’s dynamic and where growth happens. It’s two steps forward, one step back. That’s because transition isn’t about information, it’s about integration. Rewiring our thinking, habits, and relationships takes time, intentionality, and repeated effort.
Instead of striving for a straight line, expect loops. Expect re-entry into the neutral zone and know what to do while you’re there. Remember, each return isn’t a failure – it’s reinforcement. It’s the opportunity to pause and ask what do your teams, or you, need in this moment.
As you face your next change, whether leading others or navigating one yourself, ask: How can I give myself (and others) the space to process, re-enter, and ultimately embrace the transition?
Because change is a fact. But transformation… that’s the journey.
And here’s the good news. Every cycle through endings, the neutral zone, and new beginnings makes you stronger, wiser, and more prepared for the next challenge. Progress doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from showing up consistently, leading with clarity, and extending grace (to others and yourself).
So remember the next time you find yourself in the messy middle, remember it’s not a setback. It’s the work of transformation in motion.